okay, so quitting is not being accomplished. i am having to fight for every cigarette left unsmoked. the last two days have seen figures balloon to 6-7 per day; well over my keep the motor running 1-2 per day levels. i am going to try some new tactics:

1. fake nicotine 'cigarettes' - you can get them at the chemist. little plastic cigarettes with a small dose of nicotine in them

2. buy alan carr's easy way to quit smoking book

3. refine my reasons, like the 'brigette bardot principle' (see below)

it is commented upon that brigette bardot shows the effect of years in the sun and smoking all her life.

"She lighted a cigarette. 'I'm not an extremist, you know,' she said, smiling in a conspiratorial way. 'Someone has to do this'".

via ny times article

but i do love how she has aged with natural grace and seclusion, and is now a champion of animal rights (which is what the above quote refers to).

it may seem a bit superficial to have 'fear of what it will do to my skin in terms of premature aging' as one of the main reasons to quit. because of course, real beauty is a thousand leagues deeper than the skin. but it is all part of the emotional makeup, isn't it? and as i breach the early thirties and steam around toward the mid-thirties, maybe that reason has more potential to work in the clinches, when others more health-related fail the immortality test.

i should make a new 'reasons i am trying to quit' card: the facing side with young brigette, the back side with old brigette: natural and graceful, but sun-beaten and smoke-wrinkled nevertheless.